Darling, you've got to let me know...

I just got invited to Las Vegas for spring break.

I have no idea if I want to go. I mean, obviously going has its appeal. But at the same time, I was kinda looking forward to sitting around and not doing anything. I'm completely at a loss as to what I want to do. Any advice?

I should've done this years ago

I think I'm gonna drop a class, and at the moment the main motivation is not having to do homework for tomorrow.

In the long term, the motivation is that it's one of the most poorly taught classes I've ever taken and it's probably irrelevant to everything I'm going to be doing here. But in the short term the reason is definitely that I just don't want to do the work.

Honestly it is in the top 5 worst classes I've ever taken. And honestly, I would've dropped long ago if I didn't keep thinking "You know, I can probably pass it and get credit for it." But now, I think I've finally come to realize that it's just not worth it.

I think I feel guilty about it or something, but I'm pretty sure that's unreasonable.

Anybody wanna tell me I'm not crazy to do this?

But I am le frustrated...

Today was a good day.

I don't know that it still is, but it was.

I taught my class, came home, took a nap, went for a walk, finally got a Madison library card, and watched Vertigo. It was generally good stuff. I even felt like I might be motivated enough not to mind doing my homework tonight.

And then it all came crashing down...

Every day I just get more and more frustrated with the profs I'm teaching with. It's not (necessarily) that they're bad at teaching. I guess I don't really know, firsthand. I'm not supposed to go to their lectures, so I don't. But I've heard stories from my students...

But that's not the main issue I have. We had a test on Monday. Results were posted on Wednesday. The average score was a 54 out of 100. I wanted to look over a couple tests, so I went through and tried to answer all the questions. The answers were posted today. Comparing my answers to the actual answers, I would've gotten a 75 (with one dumb mistake and one lucky guess). And I'm the TA. And I used a book. This strikes me as absurd.

Now that I have the "right answers", I went back and checked the problems I got wrong. I'm willing to concede the one I made a dumb mistake on and the two I didn't know how to do, even with a book. But there are two where I'm absolutely convinced the answers they gave are wrong. I let them know, but it just strikes me as the kind of thing that would be nice to take care of before the scores are sent out. Or at least the kind of thing it would be nice of them to let us look over before the exam. But maybe that's just me.

Aside from that, I spent a good chunk of time tonight solving the problems I'm supposed to teach tomorrow. I was given "solutions", but they didn't actually contain any useful information. Our book worked for about half of them. For the others I used a book from second semester sophomore year. It worked great.

But it kinda makes me wonder how my students are supposed to solve them. It's not like they've learned it. Nor do I get the impression that anyone should expect them to have learned it. But that's their problem, not mine, right?

I could try to teach them. But I feel like it's the kind of thing that we spent a good 2 or 3 lectures on when I learned it, which makes it tough to teach in half of a discussion period.

Sigh...

And the homework motivation's gone.

Bomb. Repeat. Bomb. Repeat. Bomb

I picked up the new Ted Leo yesterday. I really like about 2/3 of it at this point, and the rest I think will grow on me with a couple more listens. Pitchfork has a few songs you can download here, here, and here.


The Onion AV Club has a really good interview with him. He's always been kind of fascinating to me. I really enjoy pretty much any interview with him I've ever read, and I think the "News" section of his site (actually more of a blog than a band news page) is almost always a really good read. He's one of a few people in music who I have a tremendous amount of respect for.

Well, that was fast

I finished the book already. It was a good, quick read. I definitely recommend it.

I'm starting to put a few things together as far as the mix goes. Just a few songs I'm tossing around in my head. I think I've got a start and an end, but not much in the middle. We'll see how it goes.

On mix tapes...

I was in a weird mood tonight. Maybe I still am. I don't know yet. Anyway, in and of itself, that doesn't mean much. But it's amazing how a weird mood can have a big impact on things you do.

I went out to pick up a few groceries. On my way, I realized there was a bookstore next door to Cub, and having just watched Capote today, I really had the urge to pick up a copy of In Cold Blood assuming it wasn't terribly expensive. So, I went into the bookstore and started looking around. I think this is where the weird mood came into play. I don't really know why, but I suddenly felt like I needed a good, kinda bittersweet book. Something I could walk away from with the same feeling that I get from reading stuff like this. So, with that in mind, I looked at a few things. And I noticed a book I had heard a few good reviews about and I had been meaning to check out. Love is a Mix Tape by Rob Sheffield. So, I picked it up on a whim.

I'm only like 25 pages into it so far. I could see myself just sitting and reading it for quite some time tonight if not for the fact that I still have homework from Friday that I need to finish. But, again, that's generally beside the point.

The point is more about what it's gotten me thinking about. I read it through the second chapter, which is basically about why we make mix tapes. And it got me thinking about a few things:

1) MP3 players are kinda ruining the idea of mix tapes as cultural artifacts. You know, the idea that "I made this mix, it has some significance to at least me, and presumably others as well, and if I hang on to it (and who doesn't hang on to mix tapes?) it can serve as a way of reminding myself of some part of my history." I feel like a lot of that gets lost with MP3 players and even with just the idea of music being available in digital formats.

Sure, you can still make mixes for people if you have an MP3 player. Lots of people do, I'm sure. But how many people still make party mix CDs? Not nearly as many as before. Does anyone still tape songs off the radio? I have a pile of old tapes I made off of the radio when I was like 12-14. Aside from being collections of generally mediocre music from a certain time in my life, they're also full of memories I have of making them or listening to them. I still remember the time I rushed to the radio to finally get "Push" by Matchbox Twenty on there. I can't even imagine how many more memories would come back to me if I listened to a few of them for a while. And it's tough to get that same effect from downloading MP3s.

2) It got me thinking about mixes I've made for people before. All things considered, there haven't been that many. I can think of 4 offhand. One I made for a couple friends as a kind of "hey, this is music you probably haven't heard" thing, one I sent Bryna sometime sophomore year, I think, one I made as a gift for a "secret santa" thing, and one I sent Andrea sometime last winter. December, it seems. Before we were "dating", assuming we ever technically were.

Anyway, I found all of them tonight. I listened to the one I made for Andrea already. I've listened to the one for Bryna recently as well. And I dare say, I think they're really fucking good. I'm planning to listen to the others later, and I'm willing to bet I'll feel the same about them, even if I did spend a little less time on them. Regardless, they're one of the things in my life I can look back on and think "Yeah, I did something pretty awesome then," which is never a bad thing.

I kinda miss making them. It's time consuming, as I think I can be a bit too much of a perfectionist sometimes when it comes to some parts of them. But it's always enjoyable. It's one of those things that I can just really get myself into and commit myself to actually doing something and having something to show for my efforts. And so, that kinda leads to...

3) I've never really made a mix for myself before. You know, the kind of thing I'd make just for the sake of making a statement about who I am or how I feel or something like that. I mean, I've put together compilations of songs before, but it was never as much a statement about me as it was a process driven by something external, in one way or another.

And so it got me to thinking, I should make a mix for me. Something to epitomize me in 80 minutes or so. Something that'll describe who I am or how I feel or something about me so that I can look back in 10 years and think "Yeah, that's who I was then."

So that's my goal. My new driving force. I have no idea how long it's gonna take, but it's the first thing in a while that makes me feel like the time I put in will be worth what I get out of it.

I'll let you know when I finish...

This might just be the most messed up thing I've ever read.

From today's Star Tribune:

Crystal Brown's world was turned upside down a month ago when Chevy, her 4-year-old Australian shepherd mix, didn't come home.

"I told him everything and he never shared any of my secrets," said Crystal, 17, who has had some troubled times in her young life. Chevy was her therapy dog, and she leaned on him for comfort and support.

Two weeks ago, a gift-wrapped box was left at the house where she lives with her grandmother in St. Paul's Rice Street area. Inside the box, Crystal was horrified to find her dog's head.

I can't even really comprehend it...It's just beyond absurd and horrific.